Posted on 06/23/2017
Fears can creep up on you in a hurry, especially if it's dark, and extra-specially if you're a child with a vivid imagination! Unfortunately, there's no one-size-fits-all solution to eliminating nighttime fears, but there are a few general principles that you as a parent can use to equip your child to combat the fears that do come their way. (Spoiler alert: Saying, "There's nothing to be afraid of" doesn't really help.)
Capitalize on that Vivid Imagination
Let's face it: Most adults are more rational than imaginative, and children tend to be the opposite. We have to remember that fact when we address their fears. Simply looking or feeling under the bed may be rational, but the same imagination that could conjure a monster (or alien or zombie or any other unwanted intruder) could easily think of ways such an intruder could escape sensory exploration. So you have to fight fire with fire, as they say. One way to do this is with a bottle of "Monster Spray"! Make it as official looking as you please, and offer it to your child as a way to "shoot" the monsters. It doesn't have to be a spray; it could be almost anything; the key is to convince your child that you know more about monsters than they do, and then tell them how to combat the pesky unwanted guests.
Create an Alternative Focus
A child's imagination is a beautiful thing, and you want to direct it rather than squelch it entirely. One way you can do that is with an adventurous (but not frightening!) bedtime story. Leaving your child with a leading question, such as "What do you think will happen next?" or "What would you do if you were that character?" might be enough to get your child's mind working in a particular direction.
For other kids, that won't be enough; leaving a kid-friendly audio book or radio drama playing might be just the thing. For some kids, rehearsing memory work or listening to music might be more conducive to getting to sleep; the key is to help them focus their thoughts on something positive so it's not as prone to wander into anything that causes fear.
Carefully Lead Them to Self-Soothing
Of course, you want to be your child's safe place and let them know they can always come to you for help, no matter what. But you also want to prepare them for the inevitable day when you won't be there, and they need to fend for themselves. This step might be different based on your child's age and personality as well as your own comfort zone, but it should really be a part of the equation. Perhaps come up with a 1-2-3 plan that may include elements like the monster spray as well as a prayer, a memorized affirmation, or a favorite song. If your child tells you that the previous night, he or she was fearful and went through the steps you had determined, that is cause for celebration!
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