Posted on 12/15/2021
In previous posts in this series, we walked through the foundational steps to building emotional intelligence, also referred to as EQ. Arguably more of a determining factor than intelligence quotient, or IQ, a person's EQ can be developed and heightened throughout that person's life. As parents model emotional intelligence for their children and guide them through developing a vocabulary and self-awareness and then express empathy, they'll equip their children to begin to develop appropriate coping strategies and problem-solving skills that will prove valuable in many areas throughout their lives - their relationships, education, and even in the workplace.
Developing a Higher EQ, Step 8: Independently Solving Problems
As you guide your child through naming and appropriately expressing emotions and then coping and learning problem-solving skills, the process can seem to have no end in sight. But keep your eye on the prize: we all want our children to be able to solve their own problems as they mature into adulthood. By honing these skills, we can help equip them to productively address all kinds of setbacks in life in a way that leads to progress, rather than adopting avoidance strategies that often end up causing more problems in the long run. The goal is to foster independence.
Develop a Higher EQ, Step 9: Embracing Natural Consequences
As your child begins to practice solving problems independently, sometimes the result will be failure. That's why it's so important to teach these skills within the context of a growth mindset. Certainly, there are some natural consequences that you want to shield especially young children from experiencing - getting hit by a car because they ran into the street for instance. But when the consequences aren't life-altering, we as parents need to allow them to fall and fail and learn from their mistakes. If a child spends his or her lunch money in the first 2 days of the week by purchasing extra treats, a natural consequence might be skipping a meal; if you determine that that consequence would be too detrimental, you could require your child to get up earlier to make his or her lunch the remaining days, instead, or do extra work around the house to earn the extra money.
Develop a Higher EQ, Step 10: Continuing to Grow
What's the goal of emotional intelligence training? Improvement. Really, there's no clear-cut arrival threshold; instead, this is an arena in which we can all learn and grow as we face various obstacles and have our coping and problem-solving abilities challenged. Like many so-called "soft skills such as work ethic, communication, and attitude, emotional intelligence can be difficult to measure; for some people, that lack of quantifiable progress makes these types of skills seem unimportant and the results of progress, insignificant.
However, that is far from the case: growing emotional intelligence may be non-obvious on a resume, but it is not unobservable - or without value. A huge fringe-benefit of helping your child develop a greater EQ is that you'll also be deepening your parent-child relationship.
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