Posted on 12/03/2021
Maybe even the concept of recovering from the pandemic sends a sense of panic through your veins - after all, none of us have ever done this before! Maybe it reminds you of that first sense of unsettledness that came when you realized that there was a toilet paper shortage. Or maybe you laughed it off, certain that the whole thing was a farce and things would be "back to normal" within a few days or weeks. Whatever your initial thoughts or reactions to the pandemic, you're probably now ready to be quite over it. But even if the closures and shortages, the career pivots and educational shifts, are a thing of the past and we're getting used to our "new normal," whatever that may be, we don't get past things by pretending they never happened. We need to process the difficult emotions. While this might be messy business, it will help equip us and our kids to recognize any unhealthy coping mechanisms and equip us to respond better during future difficulties, whatever form they may take.
Reasons to Avoid Emotional Repression
Dismissing a child's emotions as invalid or encouraging them to "stuff" them will not help. It might be more comfortable and less messy, but when we stuff negative emotions, they tend to come "roaring back through negative behaviors." Repressed emotions can lead to all kinds of behavioral and even physical problems, whether or not your child is even aware of his or her own emotions. This is one of many reasons it tends to be unhelpful to ask a child to explain why they're having a tantrum or emotional outburst; if they're not encouraged to name and express their emotions, they may not even know.
If we don't teach our kids to express and cope with their strong emotions in healthy ways, they'll be more likely to develop unhealthy methods of coping. This can run the gamut, from body-focused repetitive behaviors (or BFRBs) to more overt forms of self harm or even violent or addictive behaviors.
Reasons to Encourage Emotional Expression
We want our children to be able to name and express their emotions, because that's a very important first step to taking ownership of them; a sense of ownership is necessary to developing a sense of agency, which can be defined as "the feeling of control over actions and their consequences."
A sense of ownership (or SoO) can be defined as follows: "SoO describes the feeling of mineness that we experience toward our body parts, feelings or thoughts." The fact that we do have control over our responses and other actions is irrelevant to a person who does not realize that they have such control; developing an SoO is a necessary bridge to exerting control over self. For children in particular to realize that they do have agency over their actions, they need to be taught how to first own and express their emotions in healthy ways.
As uncomfortable and inconvenient as it may be for you to observe and respond to your child's expression of strong emotions, it can be helpful to them as they develop skills related to emotional intelligence. When a child is allowed to explore what helps them regulate their bodies and minds when they're upset, we can help them avoid heading toward clinical levels of depression and anxiety. As a child therapist asserts, "Allowing your child to fully identify and express a wide range of emotions is the first step in raising them to be a well-adjusted and emotionally healthy human being." And that's true both during the pandemic and beyond.
Continue reading with Part 2.
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