Posted on 12/10/2021
As we began this series, we considered some of the problems with repressing emotions, rather than expressing them. Simply expressing emotions isn't the end goal, either, though; it's just a first and important foundational goal. The steps to helping our children develop greater emotional intelligence, or a higher EQ, begin with developing a vocabulary for emotions and learning to label one's own emotions. (We began looking at some play-based ways to do this in Part 2.) In Part 3, we continued in that vein and also looked at the importance of demonstrating empathy. Modeling empathy paves the way for productively expressing emotions and developing coping skills and problem-solving skills that will be important for your child's success in various areas of life.
Developing a Higher EQ, Step 4: Model Appropriate Self-Expression of Negative Emotions
Remember that developing an emotional vocabulary and self-awareness are foundational skills, followed closely by demonstrating empathy; without those in place, your child will not yet be ready to learn appropriate ways to express his or her emotions.
The best way to help your child learn what forms of emotional expression are acceptable is for you to model them yourself in the context of everyday life. For example, maybe you notice that some kids are being unkind to others or leaving them out when you go to the playground. You could say something like "I really get angry when I see people being unkind to others like we saw at the park yesterday. When I feel that way, I want to be mean to those people who are being mean to others, but I know that won't help. Instead, when I see others left out, I try to do something kind for them or include them with my friends."
Developing a Higher EQ, Step 5: Model Appropriate Self-Expression of Positive Emotions
Again, we don't just want to talk about negative emotions; expressing positive emotions is a good skill as well, and sometimes even those emotions can become difficult. You might explain that you're excited about an upcoming trip your family is taking, and you tend to overly focus on it instead of completing the work you need to do before you leave. You can explain how it helps you to write down how you feel and mark your calendar and then try to stop thinking about the exciting event and focus on the task at hand.
It should come as no surprise that emotionally intelligent parents are most likely to have children with high EQs. If you are starting to realize that your own EQ needs boosting, that's actually a good thing! EQ isn't something that's static; we can demonstrate both emotional intelligence and a growth mindset for our kids by being willing to take steps to improve ourselves in this important area.
Continue reading with Part 5.
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